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tv   The Colbert Report  Comedy Central  December 8, 2014 5:54pm-6:27pm PST

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i'm like the nerd at the sleepover who fell asleep at 9. that's okay. we won't put our ----- in your mouth. red: oh, ----. oh, god. [car horn honks] saul: hey, there's bubbe. oh. come on. let's get out of here. red: yeah, you know what? maybe we should go to the doctor. do you think she'll drive me to the hospital? dale: me too. i should get the ear looked at. my ear should probably get professional attention. red: oh. it is bad. [red burps] red: that's a bullet burp. either i'm getting ready to die or i'm gonna take a massive dump. if somebody could get me to the hospital. i know, it's weird. blood from my ear keeps dropping on my shirt. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen!
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much, everybody. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. what a wonderful evening. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: what a wonderful evening. couldn't think of a bette better-- thank you so much, nation. now i don't know-- thank you for being here, everybody. it's grate night. if you watch my show on monday night or tried to pretend you weren't watching it at work on tuesday, then you know that i am taking my show down to washington d.c. it's a one-night only special this mondayness. >> stephen colbert presents mr. colbert goes to washington d.c. a later legislator. partisan is such sweet sorrow. a colbert victory lap 014. (cheers and applause)
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>> stephen: folksing i'm going down to dc. i'm going to see all the sights. the big tooth pick, megalincoln and of course the cool, with that-- pool with that handsome man staring out of it and my show is going to be a star-studded evening because i'm a star and a stud. but-- , but of course the highlight is that i lined up one of my favorite 90s alternative bands, the president of the united states of america to play their hit song peaches. unfortunately, there was a bit of a mixup and i did not book the band. i booked the actual president of the united states of america, barack obama is going to be my guest. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: oh yeah. nation, i cannot overstate
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how huge this is. the size of the hugeness, large. i am so honored to be sitting down with the man who sat down with bill o'reilly. so nation, mark your calendars. monday december 8th at george washington university, tickets are already sold out. so reserve a seat in your living room now. nation, folks, i come to you tonight from a city gripped by fear. because for the past 24 hours new york has been engulfed in a hell storm of peaceful protests. demonstrators have taken to the streets halting new york traffic to a level that can only be described as new york traffic. and it's all because yesterday a staten island grand jury chose not to indict an nypd officer who killed eric garner, an unarmed black man. and i have to admit it is shocking that anyone in manhattan has shown
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awareness of staten island. folks, folks, these protestors aren't just after the nypd. they also targeted another institution. >> protests broke out, blocks away from rockefeller center last night where thousands had gathered for the annual tree lighting christmas ceremony. >> they're now chanting "shut it down, shut it down, eric garner, michael brown" they tried to shut down the rockefeller christmas tree lighting. >> thank god it wasn't the men or's or-- men owe-- menorah or this protest would have gone on for eight more nights. >> look, folks, i people are angry but this not the time for activists to turn midtown sidewalks into a congested war zone. this is the time for tourists to do that. and nation-- (cheers and applause) >> i know new york looks to me for leadership so i'm calling for calm. now sure, you could view yet another nonindictment of a
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white police for the death of an unarmed brack man as part of a larger troubling trend. or you could be fox news. >> the officer is white. the victim was black. as you might expect, this incident is already, already drawing comparisons to the shooting death of michael brown in ferguson, missouri. >> there is a tendency that examples create the trend. >> statistics don't say there is a pattern. >> this is to the about race discrimination and i don't think it should be lumped together with any other trends that are going on. >> well said. this is not-- we're all-- yes, i agree with you. i am angry at the idea this is a trend. it is not a trend it is just a series of incidents that share common characteristics. for this to it be an observation trend, taylor swift would have to kill somebody and tay-tay don't play that way. of course long time viewers of the last few minutes will know that i broke the story
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about racial tension in america. at least i assume i did. like you, i get all my news from "the colbert report." (cheers and applause) please! don't leave. but we weren't the only ones watching me because this week president obama tried his best to address is the issue. >> the white house is proposing a series of law enforcement reforms in response to the unrest in ferguson, missouri. president obama is asking for 263 million dollars over three years for additional training of police officers and other resources. >> i'm going to be proposing new community policing i nes difficults that will significantly spend funding and training for local law enforcement, including up to 50,000 additional body-worn cameras for law enforcement agencies. >> stephen: oh, great timing, obama. you should have announced it
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on black friday when those body cameras were 2 for 1 at kohl's before 6 a.m. talk about tax and spend. i don't understand these democrats. now unfortunately, this idea of putting the cameras on the cops has some support from confused conservatives. >> the cameras protect honest cops as well as discourage police abuse. >> i have changed my mind on body cameras. at one time i thought they were a mistake. now i believe they are a very good idea. >> i am not surprised giuliani changed his mind. he is in favor of being anywhere near a camera. and the whole thing-- the whole thing is based on a faulty premise. as one california police cleave put it when you know you're being watched, you behave a little better. that is just human nature. oh, yeah, that is why those real housewifes are so well behaved. folks-- i got to tell you, it doesn't make any sense,
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this theory is clearly bull hockey. and i will prove it right now. jimmy, turn off my cameras. great, okay. camera off. i'll prove my behavior is unchanged. excuse me, i'm sorry, little cough. i can get some water please, thank you. i can get some water. >> here you go, stephen. >> what is this, tap water? what the hell is this? >> ow! >> read your contract. i take my water at 54 degrees, twist of lime, no eye contact. >> no, not the sword. >> taste my blade, you cur! (cheers and applause)
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>> oh, hi, hi, it's just-- how tragic. another senseless suicide. too bad there's no footage. man, i am still-- i can get some-- water? we'll be right back. come on! come on! where is it miller invented lite beer, and that changed everything. great taste deserved great packaging,
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[remote chime] [dragon sounds] whoa... ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. thank you so much, everybody. it's good to you have here. ladies and gentlemen, you know i love our nation's ambassadors. what i can say, i'm a bit of an ambassman, that is why i have been following the senate confirmation of u.s. ambassador to hungary. the president's nominee got a lot of attention for being a bold choice and also a beautiful one. >> a soap opera producer just became the u.s. ambassador to the country of hungary. she's the producer of the tv
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show "the bold and the 3wu68" >> yes, colleen bell, a former of ""the bold and the beautiful"" producer is now the ambassador to hungary. and one assumes its evil twin, sergio. and sure, colleen bell has no experience with foreign service or special knowledge about the nation hungary. but folks, she was nominated for the most noble of all reasons, she contributed $800,000 to obama in the last election and bundled more than $2.1 million for president obama's re-election effort. hey, folks, that is just quid pro quo. you scratch the president's back, he appoints you ambassador of scratchbackastan. but the confirmation took a shocking twist when long time friend of this show since monday, john mccain, ripped bell on the floor of the senate. >> there is no it doubt that since taking office in 2010, the hungarian prime minister
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mr. vict or orban has centralized power. mr. orban is cozying up to vladimir putin. >> i am not against political appointees. i am not against-- i understand how the game is playedment but here we are, a nation that is on the verge of creeding its sovereignty to a dictator getting in bed to putin and we're going to send the producer of "the bold and the beautiful". >> stephen: well, without dow want, john? without do you want, someone from "the young and the restless"? they would be too inexperienced, then get bored and quit. folks, john mccain is dead wrong here. i have deep roots in hungary. i have a bridge named after me there. and the hungarian ambassador himself made me an honorary citizen. my only qualification, i am on tv. right there. s there's your proof. and folks, "the bold and the
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beautiful" is perfect training to be an ambassador. hungary is a region rife with drama and the constant threat-of-violence. exactly the situation of forrester family routinely handled from their pallacious estate while simultaneously running their fashion empire. and i am confident if colleen bell was able to handle the on-again, off-again paerj between sallie's daughter and thorn forrester whom she eventually lost to brook only to reunit with him before falling in love with recovering alcoholic deacon sharp, of course that was before she fell into a coma and her family pulled the plug, then yeah, i think colleen bell can handle a shirtless guy on a pony. (cheers and applause) the point is, come on, come on. amateur hour. the point is, i fully support colleen bell's appointment. to be the ambassador -- >> stephen, wait.
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>> dr. delvecchio, what are you doing here? >> you can't let colleen bell be ambassador to hungary. she's not qualified. and i should know, i'm her lesbian lover. (laughter) >> stephen: but-- but doctor, you're not a woman. >> maybe. or maybe hi a sexual reassignment surgery to become a middle-aged italian man. >> stephen: but, but that would mean -- >> i'm carrying your baby. (laughter) >> stephen: why does that make colleen bell unqualified? >> oerx, i'll tell you. after this message from calgon ♪
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>> welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight helped
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found medical charity. please welcome dr. paul farmer. hey, dr. farmer, thank you sop much for coming on. thank you, thank you so much for being here, dr. it paul farmer. you are the co-founder of partners in health, a nonprofit that provides health care to the poor all over the world. started in the 1980s in haiti. the group is now combatting aids in rwanda, tuberculosis in peru, ebola in west africa and-- you have been in west africa recently? >> yes. (laughter) >> stephen: i'm going iting to want to you take your temperature-- there, just that it, before you leaf, just get that in your butt. >> okay, i do-- . >> stephen: i do it to all my guests, not just you.
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again, my apologies to doris concerns goodwin. -- kerns goodwin. >> now okay, why do you provide health care to the poor all around the world? why do that? tell me on-- sell me on helping people. >> well, you know, it's very gratifying work. it's very satisfying. first of all-- . >> stephen: a lot of coin in that? a lot of money in that? >> well there are other rewards. well, you have the reward of seeing-- seeing how effective medicine can be if public health. >> stephen: okay. >> and you get to use your coin metaphor, you get more bang for the buck, actually, when you turn your attention to people whose lives are damaged by poverty, and illness because you will see they will respond well to interventions that are easily available to us. it's very satisfying. >> stephen: you also have a book called infection and inequalities. what dow mean about infections and inequality.
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infections i understand. that's medicine stuff. but inequality, inequality sounds like politics. that sounds-- inequality sounds like economic inequality, socialism, how are they related to each other? >> well, i am referring to economic inequality. >> it has everything to do with medicine. >> stephen: what are you talking about, you can't get sick from being poor. >> you know, social disparities ranging from racism degenerative qualities do make people sick. they make people sick directly. but they probably make our society sick as well. >> stephen: is being poor contagious? >> well, in a sense it is contagious. for example, if you do studies of obesity in an american city, and you will see that there is a social spread of certainly-- i am reluctant to call them poor habits because people end up living in places that it don't have good and healthy
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food. or don't have safe environments. so in that sense, it is contagious. >> stephen: what's the prescription for poverty? >> well, the prescription for poverty includes transfer of resources. like you know, one of their most successful areas of development is-- i mean it's caused by a hokey name. a cash transfer, conditional or-- . >> stephen: that's not a hokey name, that is a terrifying name. because i've got a lot of cash and you want my cash to go to somebody else? >> well, again, you'll have a big return on that investment. because if you-- . >> stephen: i got a big return on it right now, my friend. called wall street. >> well, compared to some other investment on wall street or off of it, investing resources in really poor families, in poor communities, leads to pretty rapid improvement. and i think there's the idea-- . >> stephen: how does that help me. i give money-- i give my
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money, it goes to some poor guy, you know, where, where are you working? >> give me a mace. >> lie per ya, sierra leone. >> stephen: my money owes over there, how is that helping me? how is that scratching my back? >> there is a lot of evidence to suggest that the world will be safer and more prosperous if there are not these kind of inequalities, if we can address them. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: how many people-- (cheers and applause) how many people have partners in health helped worldwide so far. >> cum latifly? swz yeah. >> many, many millions, i imagine. even tens of millions and workinging in partnership with public health authorities, for example, in rwanda. to use that example am we've been lucky enough to reach, you know, significant components of the population. the massive reversals in misfortune that rwanda knew only 15 years ago so rwanda,
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for example, is a country with a pretty good health-care system. and although you couldn't-- you might not have a heart transplant there or have, you know, choose to have your malignancy treated there, if you are sick and or in a village, you can count on that system reaching you. and that's one of the reasons why reduction in early mortality has been more steeped in rwanda than anywhere else in the world. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: how long you have been doing this work? >> 30 plus years. >> stephen: and do you go yourself to some of these places around the world? >> i do. >> stephen: rough places, what are some of the most dangerous places you've been? is. >> well, i've been in very places that are unstable. and so-- . >> stephen: the house of representatives? >> i was there yesterday. >> stephen: were you really? >> yeah rz you got-- .
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>> stephen: you got out alive. >> i did. and they didn't get ebola. so-- i was there yesterday. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: dow ever-- okay, i understand, you know, i understand like you know caring for people and i, this is exactly the kind of work i would do. but-- do you, do you have like ever empathy overload am dow ever say to yourself if ivax nature one more kid today, do you ever get tired of this. you want to pack it in? why isn't there a health crisis in st. barts? >> well, you know, certainly, i mean, i think one does get taxed. and you do reach the limits. that is the whole point of working in partnership and with a team. because there's always someone on your team who is not tired or overworked, you know, there is a big enough team that is the other great thing about teaching is you
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bring in vital people every year into this work it is a great way to avoid burnout. >> how is the organization the same. >> a lot of partners in health support comes from private donors, individuals, most of it is that. >> stephen: if somebody wanted to donate partners in health, where would they go? >> www.pih.org. >> stephen: all right, there is a good chance-- there is a good chance-- there's a good chance that's on the bottom of the screen right now. dr. paul farmer, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> stephen: dr. paul farmer, partners in health. partners in health. we'll be right back. twhat do i do?. you need to catch the 4:10 huh? the equipment tracking system will get you to the loading dock. ♪ there should be a truck leaving now. i got it.
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♪ well, that's it for the report, everybody. just 8 more shows. good night. by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central's world view's headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> jon: welcome

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